A Series of Ramblings

Blogging when I remember to

The Plight of Weight Loss

I recently joined the gym, in the hopes that I’ll lose some weight and finally have a nice looking butt. I realize that staying committed to gym time and eating better is difficult, but I want to be a better me. And it’s going to be a lot harder than probably even I anticipated.

I’ve always been big. I’ve always been on the tall side for a woman, and always on the heavy side. Just how heavy would probably surprise you, because I’m often told I don’t look it. Which is nice and all, but I’d love to be the weight people think I am. I don’t want to be model thin, but smaller would be lovely.

It’s always been a struggle. When I was a freshman in college, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), and the doctor told me that it was because of that that I was having weight problems (insulin problems linked to an excess of testosterone production. I also happen to have the ability to grow pretty gnarly mutton chops if I don’t shave.). So, I started taking meds that included being on birth control. Guess what else makes it difficult to lose weight! The other complication in this is that not only do I love and adore food, I use it as a crutch. Bouts of depression are often combated by sleep and eating until I feel better. Yes, that’s a terrible way to cope with things, but… it’s hard to make good decisions when nothing makes you smile. When it hurts to go outside. When sleeping all day just makes you more sleepy.

I’ve made some pretty good general eating habit changes over the last couple years though, which I’m proud of. I don’t drink soda for the most part. Not even diet stuff. The only time I have it in my apartment is if I have friends coming over. Otherwise, I only drink it if I’m using it as a mixer for an alcoholic drink, or I’m at a fast food place. Speaking of fast food, I’ve worked hard to keep that to a minimum. I did however start going out to really really nice restaurants around Las Vegas instead, so I’ve cut back on going out in general. I don’t keep a lot of processed foods around. No microwaved meals, no canned soups, no snacky cakes. The few processed things I do keep around are usually for me taking my lunch to work. Even then, that means I have a box of wheat thins and premade hummus around. I’m still weak to lunch meat, but I don’t eat as much of that as I used to. When I moved out, I started eating a lot more fresh fruits and vegetables, and I’m doing my best to make as much from scratch as possible. Not gonna lie, doing those things took time, took resources to be able to do it, but I do feel a lot better as far as with what’s put into my body is concerned.

But that wasn’t enough. Which is kinda discouraging at times. So I finally committed myself to the gym, 4 times a week. I just ended my first week, and it was pretty miserable. I worked out off and on when I was in college, but always ended up stopping when my workload got crazy. This time though, I don’t have many excuses. My gym is near my place, and it’s open 24 hours a day, every day including holidays. It’s big (although machines do get busy during the week when people are there after work), and reasonably priced. I just gotta stick with it.

My goals may not be crazy, but they’re also not unattainable. I’d like to lose 50 pounds by my birthday next January. That seems attainable. I’d like to be able to run a mile in 15 minutes. I know that’s not a fast time, but to me it is. I hate running, I hate running for long periods of time, and I’ve never run a mile in 15 minutes. I’d like to be able to do that by August. I can brisk walk one in 20 minutes, so I think I can do it. I bought a dress that I can only zip up halfway. I’d love to be able to fit in it by the 4th of July. I just… want to be a better me. I want to not hate my flabby arms. I want to be able to wear over the knee socks and have them go halfway up my thighs. I would love to fit into lolita brand. I want to be comfortable with my body, and I don’t want to get discouraged this time.

I hope to lose 20-25 pounds by the time A-kon in Texas hits. I’m gonna do my best.