A Series of Ramblings

Blogging when I remember to

Dear Dad

I guess this is the only way to really get you to read something. My texts tend to go ignored (whether intentionally or not, I don’t know), and conversing with you ends up being a lot of you interjecting. So if this is the only way to get to you, then fine, whatever.

I’m so certain that when I move closer to work I won’t see you anymore. I live 10 minutes away as it is, and I hardly see you. You and my stepmom go to dinner literally blocks away from me, and I don’t see you. No dinner invites, nothing. There’s no excuse for that. Then again, since I’ve moved it’s been hard to get you to do anything without her. I’ve invited you (and occasionally her) to hang out multiple times, only to get a resounding “No” as a response most of the time, followed by some bullshit reason as to why. I can understand if it’s just you and me and my boyfriend, and you’d rather not hang out with the two of us alone. That’s reasonable. But… why blow me off every single time? Why stay at home by yourself when I ask you do to something with me? That hurts. It’s not like you’re doing much, or that I’m asking much. But you’d rather stay at home than go somewhere with me and have fun because she’s not there. How am I supposed to take that? Why is it that when there’s a distance of less than 10 miles between us you have no problem not spending time with me? What even do you know about me anymore? I’ve told you when I’m moving and where to, several times, but I bet you can’t remember either. You keep asking if I’m still seeing my boyfriend (which I am), even though I’m pretty sure I’d tell you if I stopped. I’m pretty sure I could quit my job and keep it a secret forever from you even if it’s blatantly obvious. If I don’t post something that’s happened on facebook, you probably wouldn’t acknowledge it. Why is that when I live in the same city?

What happened? I’m trying dad, really I am, to keep you involved in my life. But to me it seems you only wanna do things when it’s convenient for the both of you. That’s nice and all but sometimes I just wanna do stuff with my dad and it feels like you don’t want anything to do with that. Not to mention how much I hate hearing about all the trips you’ve taken her and her family on. I get it, you want to do things with her. That’s cool. I’m not asking you to take me with you. But it’s really shitty to hear about how you took her, her mom, and her niece to San Francisco when Jerick and I couldn’t get you to take us anywhere growing up. It’s fucked up to hear your excitement about taking her to Sea World when you flat out refused to take us anywhere in California growing up because you hated it so much. I don’t want your money. I don’t want you to take me places anymore. You’re my father. I’m your daughter. You should want to do things with me while I’m here. Jerick is gone, and you’re going to kick yourself forever for not spending more time with him when he wanted you to. One day you’re not going to have the luxury of ignoring my invites because I’ll be so far away, and I don’t want you to be the old man regretting that too.

I love you dad. You’re one of the people who helped shape me into the person I am today. I told you before you proposed to her that she was changing you, and you said “a little, but not in a bad way”. I don’t believe that anymore. I moved out because I hated how your lives were centered around each other to the point of ignoring what was happening around you. Left unchecked, it’s only gotten worse. When was the last time you asked me if I wanted to do something with you? When was the last time we did anything beyond dinner? I know you get busy, but you make time for her (as you should, I’m not saying that’s a bad thing). But… please make some time for me too.


Dear Janette,

I read your posting and it surprised me somewhat.  Your comments on the state of our father/daughter relationship need my side of the story to be told too.  Yes, I've been hard to get together with as of late, through my own intentions I've stayed away from you while you live your own life and grow into your own person.  When you moved back to Las Vegas that was a great day for me, I was happy that you had decided to move close to home and would be near me and you mom, I know she was ecstatic about it.  

As you grew into your job and moved away from home  and into your own apartment I didn't impose myself or my life upon you.  I figured you'd let me into your life as much as you wanted me in it.  Now, I looked back at the history of your texts and phone calls to me and there's not one I didn't respond to, I may not give the answers you're looking for all the time but I do respond, if you think that's not true I've got the history in my phone.  You really haven't invited me out to do too many things, I've said yes to some of them and but no to others, I don't always have the time to get out, I have things to do in my own life, but I'm not going out of my way to avoid you.  I'm very happy, and happy for you,  that you've got a boyfriend and new friends through work and such and I'm trying to give you some space to live your life.  It may not seem like it but I listen to every work that comes out of your mouth and I like it when we talk.

You're not 100% on track about things we did when you were at home.  We did go a few times to places outside of Las Vegas, places like Disney land and the San Diego zoo.  I admit it wasn't often but I did what I could with the situation as it was.  You are right that it I'm now going to more places.  I'm now in a position in my life where I now have time and resources to do these things where I didn't necessarily have them before,

I love you too.  You're my daughter and I'm so very proud of you, I boast about you to everyone who will listen to me.  I know that things change in our lives and it seems that the most recent changes have not been all good.  I will make more of an effort to be a part of you life, it seems that my efforts to give you space were not correct and I'll need to work on that.  I know that once you move to your new apartment you'll be even further away and that will make it less conducive to us seeing each other.  Perhaps we need a regular meeting time or event that we can get together just the two of us, it's something we both need to look at.