Parenthood changes you, which is why I’m currently avoiding it.
A friend of mine on FB the other day posted something along the lines of having a hard time becoming or staying friends with women who weren’t parents. Most of her fellow mom friends expressed similar feelings, but found it odd that that was the case.
But me? I’m not surprised at all.
Her and I are both under 25. She has been married for a few years now, and has 3 kids, all under the age of 6. I recently finished up 5 years in college, picking up two bachelor’s degrees, and have a full time job. I also just recently got back into the dating scene, and have a pretty awesome boyfriend. Her hobbies and interests and concerns now reflect the married with kids life, and that’s okay. She’s a good parent and wife, and she’s heading back to school now that her kids are a little older. She is a world away from me, from who she was when we were younger.
And there’s nothing wrong with that.
She wanted this life, and enjoys this life. She does her best to be a good mom, a good wife, and achieve her goals while tending to a family. Me? My goals are pay off student loans, eat more crazy food, see my boyfriend come home in one piece, become a huge name in the video game world. My interests and hobbies still involve buying figures and electronics, dressing up like fictional characters, eating and drinking crazy things, and consuming media that isn’t necessarily appropriate for kids. A lot of the things I enjoy aren’t necessarily kid friendly. And that’s okay too. I’m not ready for kids. I don’t honestly know if I’ll ever be. I like to go to places that aren’t kid friendly. I like not having to be responsible for the well being of a tiny human. I enjoy the freedom.
I’m not saying I’m happier than her. Especially given the whole student loans thing, but that’s my own personal hell I brought onto myself. I’m merely saying that of course most of your friends now are parents, you’re a parent now. Your life heavily involves your kids, and they’re still young. You’re going to gravitate more to people who are in similar situations, so you can trades tips and set up playdates so your kids have friends and social interaction and all that good stuff. I’m going to continue to appreciate babies from a distance. Like… in pictures. That’s a great distance. There are reasons I see myself having a hard time being friends with people who are parents. It’s not anyone’s fault, it’s that they have lives with kids, I have a life with whiskey. I can get along with them just fine, but the involvement of a child really makes it hard for a person to justify a 3 day weekend at a convention, or late night karaoke, or eating food until you feel ill. It happens.
Just don’t be shocked that you have a hard time hanging out with nonparents. Your worlds are completely different. Your concerns, your hobbies, hell, your bedtimes, are probably nothing alike anymore. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just a reality that you have to accept.
