CW: Brief discussion of sexual assault.
I was 19 when I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. As I neared the summer after my first year of college, in a tiff with my dad about whether he should let my boyfriend stay the night and the paternal concerns surrounding that, I more or less blurted out that I wasn’t sure that I could even get pregnant. That at 19, I had never had a period. That I likely needed to see a doctor because this probably wasn’t a good sign. He agreed, and scheduled an appointment for the same day he had one coming up.
I remember explaining to the doctor they had me see, a nice older woman with a soft voice who seemed almost at odds with her officer ranking in the Air Force, my symptoms, my concerns. She took notes, asked me a few questions, made mention of my weight, my deeper voice, my sideburns. She had some ideas, but would need some blood tests to help narrow things down, as well as an ultrasound. “We can draw the blood tests today, get you referred for the ultrasound, and schedule a follow up in a couple weeks.”
19 vials of blood turned out to be what she ordered. I remember my dad also needing some blood work done, so we met up and walked over to the testing counter to get vial labels printed. He only needed a couple, and watched another printer drone on and on and on. “I’d hate to be that person,” he chuckled. “That person is me,” I replied, staring at the ever growing pile of labels. “Oh,” was all he could respond with at the time. Read the rest of this entry »
CW: Discussion of sexual assault. If you need someone to talk to about your experiences, visit RAINN or call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673
I’ve been thinking about this a lot. How this post was probably years overdue. How it’s been weighing on me more frequently in the past few months. How this is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to write, and might be the hardest thing to read from me. How, in the #MeToo era, I too am a statistic. A person with a history of being sexually assaulted, more than once, who never reported. Because, what’s the point? Then, and now. Then, because I was scared and didn’t know who to turn to, or even if what transpired counted in some meaningful way. Now, because oftentimes in an ever-connected world, a man accused of sexual assault and rape could be overwhemlingly sympathized with based on his social standing, and the accuser painted as a liar and whore, out to ruin a good man’s life on events that have long passed. At best sharing my stories years after the fact would get me praise and scorn from those I expect to be praised and scorned by, but not much else.
But I feel I need to share them, and now’s as good a time as any.
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I recently spent nearly two weeks serving on a jury for a civil suit (Jonathan Friedrich V. Rancho Bel Air POA Unit 2, Inc. and Performance CAM, LLC). And lemme tell you what, that sure was something. To be honest, I didn’t hate jury duty itself. What I hated were the circumstances around me serving, both in and out of the court.
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It’d be real easy to just say “oh the people who voted for Trump are all xenophobic/racist/misogynistic/homophobic/(insert descriptor here)” because oh how many of us disappointed in this result want an easy answer to what just happened.
But I know that’s not entirely the case. Read the rest of this entry »
Let me be honest and upfront: I haven’t been super excited about a big budget AAA video game in years. This does not mean I don’t like and enjoy such games, because I get them and I do like them and play them and have a good time. But… they don’t move me like some indie games have in the last few years. Maybe that’s because the AAA hype machine is usually reserved for sequels and “safe” new IPs with PR campaigns that cost nearly as much as the game development itself. I was in the room when MGSV was officially announced, and I didn’t get excited for it until about 6 weeks before the game came out (truly, for the best). I will admit, E3 2015 has made me hype for the return of The Last Guardian, the new IP Horizon, and a few others, and with E3 2016 having happened relatively recently, I’m excited about more things, but I digress. That’s for another time. Here… I want to talk about game that while small, have huge expectations and bigger ambitions. Two games, one on the precipice of release, that have made me feel things about video games I don’t feel often. These games are thatgamecompany’s Journey, and Hello Games’ No Man’s Sky.
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“I CAN’T BELIEVE THE WITNESS IS $40. AND HOW DARE HELLO GAMES CHARGE $60 FOR NO MAN’S SKY. AND UGH THOSE INDIE DEVS WHO REFUSE TO PUT THEIR GAME ON SALE AND EXPECT ME TO PAY MORE THAN $15 FOR THEIR GAMES. WHO DO THEY THINK THEY ARE!?” Well, they think they are people creating a product who believe in that product’s value and don’t want to conform to some arbitrary pricing standard you believe in. I hate what we as a community have done to devalue games. And don’t think big publishers and indie devs haven’t taken notice. In a world of free-to-play and mobile games, massive Steam sales, and the always popular “I’ll wait for a price drop”, it’s hard to convince people to pay full price for a game, and even harder to get them to pay a bigger price then they assume a game is worth.
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You ever think you’ll never catch up on the latest electronic trends, and that things are moving at an alarming rate? Not only are you right and not alone, you probably don’t even know just how far behind you might be. No. Seriously. 8K TV was demo-ready in 2014. Shit’s intense. Don’t worry. It’s all the worst gimmicky gimmicks ever.
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Put it on my face. That’s all I could think as I wandered the halls of CES this year, staring at VR headset after headset. Put it on my face. I want to live there. If I can’t have a flying car, I want to at least pretend I’m flying like a superhero.
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“I can’t stand losing visionary father-like figures” a tweet from a friend said. “Yeah, I can’t either” I thought to myself, trying to rationalize the news that Satoru Iwata had passed. Read the rest of this entry »
I listen to a lot of music. I can find an enjoyable song or two on most albums I’m handed, regardless of genre, musician, or even language. However, there are a few that I feel are flawless in the sense that I can go back to them, and find almost nothing I dislike from it. They aren’t necessarily the best albums, or even my favorites, but they are time and time again albums I can listen to end to end without wanting to skip a track. I guess it’s rather telling about my musical tastes that these are the ones I picked though.
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